Creating Shared Stories for Deeper Connection

“When we establish human connections within the context of shared experience we create community wherever we go.” — Gina Greenlee, Author

There are things about me that no amount of conversation or even pictures can quite convey – and likewise for you as well. We all contain complexity and depth that only comes out over time, if at all, and often only through shared experience.  Words alone can’t transmit the feel of what stirs my spirit or softens my edges.  If you really want to know me, you’d need to paddleboard beside me on a still morning at dawn, gliding silently across glassy water as mist lifts from the lake. You’d sense my love of rhythm and exhilaration of experiencing the natural world awakening. 

If you sang harmony with me, you’d hear how much I love blending – the thrill when two voices find resonance neither could make alone. If you sat with me by a campfire, you’d see how easily my laughter spills out, and how long I can sit quietly watching embers fade. If you heard me read one of my poems aloud, you’d feel the tremor that comes when something long felt but seldom spoken finally finds its voice.

Research on connection suggests that shared experiences, especially those involving coordinated movement, rhythm, or emotion, foster empathy and trust more powerfully than conversation alone. Singing together synchronizes breathing and heart rate. Paddling in rhythm releases oxytocin. Shared rituals like storytelling around a fire activate neural pathways that create a sense of belonging.  In short, the pathway to deeper connection is more often about something we do together rather than something we say.

It makes me wonder how much of what we long for in friendship and collegiality must come from shared experience rather than simply shared talk – or text.  To “know” each other better may mean finding spaces where our stories are lived, not just told – where we move, sing, cook, listen, share, or create together.  For me this coming week, that will mean facilitating a retreat together with one of my PeerRx buddies.

For you this week during your PeerRx check-in, consider inviting your partner to share something they love doing, and, if possible, make a plan to do it with them. Go on a hike, cook a meal, share a song (yes, sing it together), read aloud something that matters – even plan a trip. Notice what becomes known in the doing (and in the planning). Because sometimes, to know another better, we need fewer words and more wonder – fewer explanations and more shared experience.  After all, in medicine and in life, we learn to appreciate each other best not just by what we say, but by the stories we create ... together.